Sex at Dragon Con

In the brief, alcohol and caffeine fueled weekend that is Dragon Con, it shouldn't be a surprise that many attendees will find other attendees attractive. Attempts at mating will inevitably follow. This can be a wonderful thing, but those participating in such acts should be careful with themselves and their special buddy, as well as considerate to other attendees. The following is a series of best practices and suggestions to help ensure any such experiences you may be lucky to find yourself in are pleasurable, memorable, and safe.

Meeting that Special Someone

You never know when Cupid's Arrow will strike: perhaps in the gaming hall, perhaps in a panel, or perhaps just passing in the crowded hallways. While some folks may be comfortable in a social setting, we know that many simply are not. As such, here are a few nuggets of advice regarding approaching your target:

• Don't refer to him/her as your 'target'.
• Bathing on a regular basis will multiply your chances of success. A clean shirt and a pleasant odor (at least a little deodorant, maybe some aftershave, NOT Axe body spray) will go a long ways. 
• Strike up a pleasant conversation. Don't interrupt if your target is speaking to someone else. Don't use a pick-up line of any variety. A simple "Hi, I'm <your name here>. Did you come a long ways to get here?/ How are you?/ Neat costume! (where applicable)" is a perfect start.
• If your person of interest gives signs that he/she is uninterested in conversation, then politely excuse yourself and find someone else. Confidence is good, but persistence/badgering/pleading/begging/crying can be creepy and harrassing. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
• If you are successful in starting a conversation, you may wish to offer to buy your person of interest a drink. This is an aggressive move, but you may need all the help you can get.
• Hopefully by this point you'll be able to sense a connection with your target. Exchange contact information, and names (if you're into that sort of thing). From here you have to let it take its course.
• DO REMEMBER that NO MEANS NO.

Tips for approaching a male, from a guy's perspective. 

• Don't be afraid to be a little forward, or a lot forward. Most guys tend to like it when a woman makes her intentions known.
• Don't make yourself look to eager, it might scare him off.
• Don't be too subtle, he might not get where you're going. 
• We're geeks and nerds. We may be able to calculate the average air speed velocity of an unladen (European) swallow or make a Roomba do the Rumba, but we can sometimes be clueless at reading signs, especially in a typically unusual social setting.
• With that said, it's something of a misconception that guys will go for any woman acting slutty. A pleasant but fun-loving demeanor will help a lot here. A willingness to crack jokes and have a quick smile will get many a man's heart aflutter. Starting off by grabbing his crotch is a bad idea.
• A sexy costume may help you, but please do be aware of what sorts of definitions of 'sexy' are appropriate for your body type.
• This isn't to say 'no fatties allowed', but a 400 pound woman in a Slave Leia costume will rarely do it for a guy. (Admittedly, some men are into that sort of thing, but it's best to know your audience a bit before breaking out that sort of getup).
• Also be aware of unwanted attention said costume may bring
• Do not assume said costume will guarantee success. It may get your foot in the door, but does not mean it will get anything else into something else. Geek men can be timid creatures and often need a little more than a carrot dangled in front of them.
• Don't make a suggestion that a guy do anything for you; IE, don't hint you'd like for him to buy you a drink if you're the one approaching him. An interested gentleman may offer, but suggesting ahead of time may give the impression that you're after something other than his company, and may sour the deal.
• Asking questions about him, rather than starting off by telling him all about you, is the way to go.
• If the he is in costume, striking up a conversation about said costume is a good start.
• Same can be said about a funny T-Shirt he may be wearing. 
• These are clues to his sense of humor and/or interests. Unleash your inner Abby Sciuto and get the conversation off on the right foot.

Tips for approaching a female, from a girl's perspective. 

• First of all, yes, we have breasts. Try not to fixate on them. A little ogling may be appropriate or even appreciated, but try not to let them distract you overly much.  Talking to boobs isn't going to get you any closer to actually having contact with them.
• Do not try to become friends with a girl in an attempt to get closer to her better-looking friends.  It will not work, and you will be facing a swarm of highly unimpressed females.  In some circumstances, this could be hazardous to your health.
• Be friendly, try to find common interests.  Do not let a conversation turn into a monologue about your gaming habits, why you think Star Trek is better than Star Wars, conspiracy theories about the fire-marshal, or the lint you picked out of your belly button. 
• You are both at a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Con. There's more chance of finding a common interest here than you would have with a random girl at a bar.  Nerd chicks may actually know more about said geeky topics than you do, so never ever treat them like they're stupid.
• A lack of clothing doesn't necessarily mean she is slutty, or looking for action.  Assuming so is going to likely leave you very disappointed and her very ticked off.
• Just because you're doing everything "right" is no guarantee that a woman is interested in you or is interested in getting frisky with you.  Women are not video games, with specific preset steps to get to a goal.  Just because it worked in a romantic comedy doesn't mean that it's going to work in real life.

Sweet Lovings

Many people may be alarmed at the idea of intimate physical contact with another human being. Don't panic: your prospective partner is likely as afraid of you as you are of him/her. At any rate, hopefully you'll get at least to second base. If you don't score that home run, with luck you'll be doing this on a Friday and will have a few more nights to make the connection.

While we could offer some advice here, we will instead leave you to the horrifying combination of what your parents told you of where babies come from, plus what you've learned by cruising through /b/ on 4Chan.

Afterward

The follow up to your evening of carnal pleasures (or awkward fumbling) can vary dramatically. You may be accosted by a jealous wannabe-lover who never had the huevos to act upon his/her daydreamings. You may awaken to the drunken braying of your/your partner's roommates. You may find that you blacked out, have sobered up next to someone other than what you remember (or someone you swore you'd never associate that way). Or, you may realize this is the person you've been looking for your whole life (up to this point).

The Naked Safety Dance

Sex is a wonderful thing, and who knows! You might be lucky enough to score someday too. Unfortunately the act of bumping uglies can carry with it several horrible dangers. Here's how to navigate the pink seas of sweet, sweet loving without a storm sinking your submarine, or your poor little man in the boat.

Types of Risks

There are five primary classes of risk you're dealing with when you choose to drown the slippery otter. These are: Preggers, Crotch Rot, Dramabomb, Criminal Shenanigans, and the Fetish Surprise. All of these have been known to happen sooner or later to all of those lucky folks with the opportunity to screw on a regular basis, so it's worth keeping in mind that if you're gonna stick it in the pink or have your pink stuck into, you'll never be completely free of danger. The fact is, however, that the danger only makes it more fun.

• Preggers

• This is the big one. An unforeseen, unplanned, and lets be honest, just plain unwanted child will do more damage to your life in the long term than all STDs combined and delivered rectally by a Clydesdale stallion with blueballs on a cocaine bender. There is simply no more terrifying result of fornication, and this is especially the case if your special bed buddy is from across the country. Fear it like you do the sun or a bar of soap.
• Mitigation: The most common way to prevent pregnancy is condom use. Females may also chose to use birth control. Sterilization all around is highly recommended. If these items are problematic or unappealing, you may also consider alternate forms of mutual gratification. 

• Crotch Rot

• A clean, unsullied, well-cared-for crotch is one of life's great joys (you'd know that if you bathed once in a while). Discovering one on your partner is a similar joy. Unfortunately, sometimes crotches that appear pristine may in fact hide legions of microbes all intent on growing their empire. It's like Sex-Borg, resistance is futile. There are many thousands of interesting diseases you can pick up from a partner, but all are bad, even those that can be easily cured. Even once your junk has been scorched clean by the burning fires of the Lord (with the help of napalm), the memory of the violation will always be in your mind.
• Mitigation: Once again, condom use is the most common prevention. Other birth control won't help you here. Prayer doesn't either, FYI. Unfortunately, oral sex, anal sex, homosexuality, and bestiality are also useless. You're looking at condoms or masturbation, and that's it. Bathing is also generally a good idea but can't cure or completely prevent the truly nasty ones.

• Dramabomb

• It plays out hundreds of times at every scifi/fantasy convention. Individual X slept with individual Y, without knowing that individual Z has secretly lusted for Y for decades but never had the testicular fortitude to actually act on it, inevitably making Z hate X and display this by spreading nasty rumors about X, starting arguments with X over unrelated things, or in the worst scenarios, threatening X. While rarely truly dangerous, it can make the rest of the convention unpleasant, annoying, and worst of all, preventing X from sexing Y again the next night.
• Mitigation: Honestly, there's not much you can do to prevent it. Individual Z will have guarded his/her emotions closely and won't show their hand until they get the news. A few things to remember will help you survive it. Firstly, realize that individual Z was clearly a loser who should have gotten off their probably-fat ass and beat you to it if that's how they feel. By sleeping with their friend and wrecking Z's dream you're doing him/her a favor, because maybe now they can get on with their lives. Second, before slipping your partner the pork sword/letting your partner sheathe said sword, be sure to casually ask about any relationships they might be in. Sometimes they neglect to mention this and it could save you the headache. Third, when picking someone up at the bar, stand up on a chair and shout your intentions to the crowd. It may seem embarrassing, but amongst the chorus of cheers you may be able to pick out the still-cloaked individual Z by the fact that they're not cheering you on.

• Criminal Shenanigans

• This is an extremely wide ranging topic. We're talking about everything from underage drinking to wallet theft, accidental statutory rape (sure it was, pedo), definitely intentional normal rape, to waking up in a bathtub full of ice but down a kidney. As such it's difficult to get into any useful specifics of what may occur. These are just general sorts of things you'll need to keep an eye out for.
• Mitigation: Again, with such a wide range of potential issues its hard to know where to begin. But there are a few general things to keep in mind to help out.
• Have a cell phone with you and have the numbers of friends in the hotel with you, roommates, and people you trust. It might also be wise to have your hotel's desk number in there for really nasty cases. If your cell phone can take pics of your vile genital congregations, all the better.
• Have a hidden spot to stash some cash in case of theft. If you wake up after a night of sexings and find your wallet gone, $20 hidden in your shoe can save your ass. An in-room safe is a good place to store valuables, too (duh).
• Wear a rubber. It will prevent STDs and pregnancy.
• If you're going to someone else's room for sex, be sure to tell a friend where you're going, down to the room number. It'll make it easier for them to call the police when you don't come home the next night.
• Always, always wear your Kidney-Guard˜. It's the number one choice of law enforcement professionals for preventing theft of vital organs.

• Fetish Surprise

• If it wasn't for the potential of murder under the criminal item, this would be the most dangerous of them all. There is nothing more terrifying or heartbreaking than to get back to a one-night-lover's room only to find it full of whips and chains, bondage gear, electrical implements with bare electrodes that look suspiciously phallus-like, a donkey, etc.. While it may be interesting to experiment with new games like this, it's important to be aware of the little kinks and fetishes of your partner before letting them trap you in their web of freakiness.

• Mitigation: Communication is the key here. If you make plans together for a night of sweaty thrustings and gruntings, it's good to take a moment to ask about any kinks or fetishes your partner enjoys. And if you have some of your own, be open about them. It's true that sometimes these may be a deal-breaker, but it's best to get your plans shot down at the bar rather than weeping and thinking about where you went wrong in your life when Old MacPedo is yiffing away at your tender rectum and singing showtunes while their roommate and his pet donkey take pictures in the nude. Or before you bring your sex pal back to your room to introduce him/her to your roommate and his donkey, resulting in a long, uncomfortable, discussion with the police.

The Important Difference Between Consensual Fooling Around and Sexual Assault

NO MEANS NO! Not "try again". Not "buy me another drink". Not resort to drastic measures. Acts of deception, especially the adding to or supplying of intoxicating substances, used to obtain sex can be charged in some jurisdictions, and with a good lawyer in the others, as sexual assault or rape, depending on the severity of the acts (Some jurisdictions differentiate between Sexual Assault and Rape). Play it cool, play it clean, and realize that they may not be into you and you'll have to move on. There are plenty of other people here looking for an adventure consensually. Don't spoil someone else's experience, and/or life, with your dirty and potentially illegal shenanigans.

In 2010, the social media were all abuzz with a distressingly high number of sexual assault stories resulting from the fact that Dragon Con hotels were not all-congoers. The hotels were also hosting college football fans for the Chik Fil-A bowl.  As such, there were a lot of drunken jocks whose idea of a good time was pretty much "get drunk, enjoy football, mock the geeks, and don't think about girls in costume as actual people."

While the hotels have all been notified, as has Dragon Con staff for 2011, the best way to make sure everybody is safe and has the experience they want is to be part of the solution to the problem in advance.  It cannot be said enough.  Don't touch -- or anything else -- without permission.

Everybody wants to have a good time.

People get drunk and inhibitions are lowered.  But keeping your eyes open for yourself and your friends can make the experience enjoyable for everybody...and most importantly SAFE.

The Women Backing Each Other Up Project has volunteered ribbons to identify people who will help back you up if someone is getting closer than you'd prefer and not taking polite disinterest or "no" for an answer. http://backupproject.org/faq.html. However, starting in 2012, Dragon*Con requested that the backup project not hand out ribbons out of concern that they could be misused leading to more dangerous situations. The backup project also provided an official response.

*Disclaimer: Despite the attempts at humor, often of the cynical nature of previous contributors, The Unofficial Dragon Con Wiki, and the editorial and administrative staff, do not condone underage sex, sexual violence, rape, and the targeting of individuals for said acts. Check and obey local laws regarding sexual activity. Also, don't be a dick.