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Alcohol

Page history last edited by Malachi 7 years, 5 months ago


 

Introduction

If you're at Dragon*Con, and you're not drinking copious quantities of alcohol, you're in the minor. There are numerous bars, restaurants and parties around the con all willing and able to provide alcohol for your enjoyment (and sometimes theirs). This guide is intended to offer advice to further your enjoyment of Drinking*Con, and to help make sure you get the most out of your alcoholic adventures.

 

* NOTE: The administrators and staff of Dragon*Con, this Wiki, the convention's host hotels, as well as local law enforcement, doctors, the MAN, your parents, and old people who want you to stay off of their lawn do not approve of and, in many cases, strictly prohibit alcohol consumption by anyone under the age of 21. So kept it on the down low, right?

 

What It Is

Alcohol is the common name for ethanol, which is a colorless, flammable liquid that, when consumed, makes everything you say or do funnier at the time, but not so much later. It has been known to cause hand-eye coordination issues, deaden one's sense of perception (imperceptibly), lower inhibitions, cause blackouts, induce vomiting, cause birth defects, and if you're doing it right, will cause hallucinations. Alcohol is the oldest known recreational drug, discovered at least 9,000 years ago by Kwan Sorek Budweiser. Bud chronicled his earliest experiments in a sloppily written journal in which he described himself as "hahaha... so f***ing wasted man". He later went on to invent the Keg, but died only six months afterwards in a tragic Keg Stand accident.

 

Alcohol intended for consumption is loosely split into three groups: beer, wine, and liquor.

 

Beer

Beer is made from fermented starches, primarily from barley, and is subcategorized into groups like Ales, Lagers, Stouts, and Water (the latter reserved almost exclusively for beers produced in America).

 

Wine

Wines are made from fermented fruit, typically grapes, and are often found in the wild accompanied by snobs.

 

Liquor

Liquor is alcohol that is distilled from any other alcohol that's available, to concentrate it and get the unnecessary extras like water and flavor out of them.

 

For the purposes of this guide we will reclassify these into two new groups: booze you brought yourself, and holy CRAP the bar is expensive booze.

 

From the Bar

Most alcoholic consumption at Dragon*Con happens publicly at one of the numerous bars around the host hotels. The Marriott and the Hyatt (and probably the Sheraton but who the hell goes over there?) both have large bar areas in their lobbies.

 

These bars will have expert bartenders and a wide range of alcohols, mixed drinks, and assorted spirits. The downside to drinking at the bars are twofold: one, everyone can see you falling down drunk (not automatically a bad thing), and two, it's EXPENSIVE AS F***.

 

Bringing it from Home

This option will save you a pretty penny, especially if you drink enough to get your 400-pound-ass tipsy. This is the primary option for the recluses who are afraid to go out into public, especially for something as fun as drinking. You can collect alcohols of all sorts from your local liquor store.  There are also liquor stores close to the convention, most notably across the street from the Sheraton and just North of the Hyatt.

 

 

Appreciating Alcohol

Many consumers of alcohol tend to enjoy the subtleties of flavor that assorted brands and styles provide. Some enjoy learning the intricate differences between varieties of Scotch Whiskey, for instance, while others may settle on a favorite type of wine from a given region and winery (See also: Wine Poncery). Some enjoy the wide range and difference of styles in assorted beers.

 

These individuals will typically recommend a method for tasting the alcohol carefully and experiencing it with all your senses. The simplest way to practice this is to pick up the glass/bottle/can of your chosen beverage and start by admiring the coloring. Follow this by breathing in the delicate scents deeply. Then put your lips to the glass for a small taste.

 

Then just chug it.

 

Alcohol and Safety

When drinking it's important to remember that you're going to be putting yourself in a dangerous position by being completely unable to walk. As such, there are a few recommended safety precautions you can take.

 

  • Wear appropriate attire. Your costume may look great, but it may not be the safest thing to wear while you drink yourself to death. Suggestions include
    • Gloves
    • Goggles
    • Solid shoes
    • Hazmat suit in case of vomiting 
  • Lock your cell phone. Ideally these would have a breathalyzer to prevent any drunken calls, but they tend to happen anyway. Just lock it down with a security code and hope nothing too embarrassing happens.
  • Drink plenty of water ahead of time. This prevents hangovers and will help you get started drinking earlier the next day. 
  • ID card, real or otherwise. If it's fake it must be grounded in reality: Starfleet Officer Cards won't work.
  • Remember not to Drink and Drive. Luckily, Dragon*Con is largely self-contained and there is little need to get behind the wheel, but stranger things have happened, like that one time my friend Allison was in the elevator with George Lazemby and a furry with... actually lets not tell that story.
  • Don't Drink and Debate, either. Drunken arguments are lame and unfunny. They're also often loud and accompanied by fighting. In a tightly packed area like the hotel bars, fighting is a dangerous proposition for onlookers: you may spill their own drinks. When you sober up, you might have difficulty living with that knowledge.

 

Effects on Humans

Consuming any sort of chemical can have an adverse effect on the temperamental sewage system that is the human body. For instance, the fluoridation of  the water supplies are obviously part of a Communist plot to contaminate our precious bodily fluids. Nevertheless, many people find the myriad side-effects of alcohol consumption amusing, if not outright pleasurable.

 

Before we get to that overused function, the List, it's important to note that Alcohol does have different effects on different individuals. The listed symptoms are the most common, but should you find that alcohol consumption leads you to terrible life choices such as believing that the wearing of Fedoras is cool or, worse, to experiment with Furryism, don't come bitching to us.

 

Common Effects

The below are presented in the order in which they tend to be experienced as more alcohol is imbibed.

  • Talkativeness.
  • Slurred speech.
  • Difficulty focusing on a topic of conversation.
  • Incorrectly believing oneself humorous.
  • Warm sensations in the face and torso.
  • Tingling sensations in the extremities and/or genitals.
  • Poor hand-eye coordination.
  • Difficulty focusing (sight-wise)
  • Lowered inhibitions. 
  • Incorrectly believing one's genitals humorous.
  • Difficulty walking.
  • "Beer goggles"
  • Making unfortunate phone calls to relatives/ex-relationships/spouses/that dude you're stalking ("Drunk Dialing").
  • Impotence ("Whiskey dick")
  • Practicing or appreciating the political stance known as "Libertarianism".
  • Spending money recklessly or foolishly ("Buying Anime DVDs")
  • Vomiting.
  • Loss of bladder/bowel control.
  • Not noticing the loss of bladder/bowel control.
  • Attending "Tea Parties".
  • Not realizing that the man/woman you're having sex with is not, in fact, in a really wicked Spitter costume from Left 4 Dead 2. 
  • Loss of consciousness.
    • While unconscious you may vomit.
    • Lose bladder/bowel control.
    • Be drawn on with markers by friends/roommates.
    • Be photographed by friends/roommates. 

 

 

Recovery

The morning after a round of heavy drinking, it's not uncommon to experience an intense sense of queasiness and regret. Others will have a massive headache and may still feel the need to vomit. This latter condition is referred to as a Hangover. It's far easier to prevent the debilitating effects of a hangover than it is to cure them (drink plenty of water with the booze!), but it's too late for that now, isn't it?

 

Recent research has shown that consuming bacon really can help cure a hangover, but there are a few less fattening options available to you. Many recommend some good, strong coffee, which is a cost-effective option if your hotel room comes with a coffee-maker. Others would recommend medication along the lines of aspirin or Tylenol, which can help dull the effects somewhat.

 

Veterans of DragonCon know that when prevention isn't possible (or more likely, hasn't worked), the best way to bounce back is to get drinking, early. Sweeter mixed drinks can help here since you'll probably want to avoid upsetting your stomach. A White Russian is an excellent breakfast choice, but experimentation is the key.

 

Recommended Mixed Drinks

Now, assuming you're trying to save money at the bar, it can certainly be helpful to know how to mix a few common drinks to 1) pretend you're posh, and 2) appear posh once you've gotten your half-sloshed one-night-stand back to your room. With that in mind, here are a few relatively simple to make drinks, as well as recommendations for when to break them out. Note that in addition to the ingredients listed below for each, you'll also want to have some barware: a shaker, a strainer, CLEAN glasses (both highball and lowball glasses will do, several shot glasses are good, a martini glass or two is good for extra fanciness), a knife as needed, a spoon just in case, and lots of towels.

 

White Russian

Recommended in the mornings, when hung over, or just when you have a bit of a sweet tooth.

  • 2 parts Vodka
  • 1 part Coffee Liqueur (Kahlua is recommended)
  • 1 part cream (Half and Half, or 2% milk for fewer calories, but don't try with skim milk. Soy milk is ok if absolutely necessary).

Pour ingredients in the glass with ice. Pouring the cream last will give a pleasing visual effect not unlike Jupiter.

 

Gin and Tonic

Recommended in the evenings to pretend you're sophisticated, or when you're too drunk to put anything more complex together.

  • Gin (more expensive gins are nice but if light on cash, try Gordon's. It's a famous brand in the UK but is NOT imported into the US, just the same recipe)
  • Tonic
  • Lemon or Lime as preferred

The specific amounts of each depend on individual preferences. Most commonly you'll be instructed to fill a Highball glass/Collins glass with ice to the rim. Pour in Gin to the 1/3 mark, top off with tonic water. Add slice of your citrus to the top. This tends to be a very crisp and refreshing drink, which is nice for Atlanta's unbearably warm evenings.

 

Rum and Coke

This is recommended when you're too drunk to cut the fruit for a Gin and Tonic, or if you're a freak and don't care for gin.

  • White Rum
  • Dark cola of choice

What could be simpler? Highball glass filled with ice. Pour in rum to 1/3 or 1/2 up the glass, top it off with the soda. Any cola will work if needed, even the light ones, but traditionally Coke is used.

 

Tom Collins

It's a drink considered to be sophisticated, but it's largely just a Gin and Tonic with heavier lemon flavor. Good for people who don't care for Gin but have no other booze.

  • Gin
  • Soda Water
  • Lemon Juice
  • Simple Syrup
  • Lemon
  • Maraschino Cherries

Fill a highball glass with ice, and fill your shaker with more ice. Into the shaker pour two shots of gin, one shot of lemon juice, and one shot of simple syrup (you'll need to have produced this before you left, but to make it, just pour one cup of water into a pot and boil it, then add two cups of sugar. Keep stirring, eventually it'll all dissolve. Get it poured into a clean squeeze bottle and keep it in the fridge). Put the lid on and shake, viciously. Open the lid and strain it into your glass. Top off with soda water, add a slice of lemon and a cherry to garnish.

 

Cosmopolitan

This is the absolute A+ #1 way to show off for a lady, unless she hates them in which case HAHA, good luck with that chump.

  • Vodka
  • Triple-Sec
  • Lime Juice
  • Cranberry juice
  • Lime

This is another one of those that can vary, but here's a simple way to go about it. Fill your shaker with ice and pour in a shot and a half of vodka, a shot of triple-sec, a shot of the lime juice (Rose's sweetened Lime Juice is recommended here, can be found all over the place and is non-alcoholic itself), and a shot of the cranberry juice. Shake well, pour into a martini glass, and put a lime wedge on the rim. Some folks prefer to leave the cranberry juice out, mix it and pour it into the glass, then pour the cranberry on top of it. Sometimes it will be garnished instead with a lemon peel but lets not get fancy here, eh?

 

 

Bay Breeze

Simple. Cheap. Might get you lucky with the ladies due to the fact that its cheap and you can make a number of them without breaking the bank.

  • 1 & 1/2 oz. Vodka
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Cranberry Juice

Combine all the ingredients in a Collins or Highball glass filled with ice and stir well.

 

Screwdriver

There are many variations of this drink found at Dragon*Con. The main and classic formula is as follows:

  • 1.5 oz Vodka
  • 6 oz Orange juice
      Add Vodka in ice-filled Highball glass and top with orange juice.
The 'poor man's screwdriver' is one part vodka, and two parts orange drink mix, such as Gatorade, Kool-Aid, or Tang.
When you mix vodka with blue Jones Soda or Blue coloured Gatorade it's referred to as a Sonic Screwdriver, a favourite tool of The Doctor in the hit UK series Doctor Who
 

Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster

The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster was invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, a major character in Douglas Adams' novel The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The effect of a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon, wrapped 'round a large gold brick. It has also been described in the novel as the alcoholic equivalent to a mugging; expensive and bad for the head. Its original, fictional recipe, is as follows:

Recipe

  1. Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit.
  2. Pour into it one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V.
  3. Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
  4. Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
  5. Over the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qalactin Hypermint extract.
  6. Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger.
  7. Sprinkle Zamphuor.
  8. Add an olive.
  9. Drink . . . but . . . very carefully . . .

 

Recipe from The Bartender's Best Friend Bookwhich some call the Terran version due to the fact that they have no imagination what so ever and refuse to think outside the box.

 

 

The Bartender's Best Friend Book also has a recipe for the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster as follows:
  • 1/2 ounce Vodka
  • 1/2 ounce Triple Sec
  • 1/2 ounce Yukon Jack liqueur
  • 1/2 ounce Peach Schnapps
  • 1/2 ounce Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey
  • 1/2 ounce fresh lime juice
  • 1/2 ounce cranberry juice
  • Fill with lemon-lime soda

Build in an ice-filled Collins glass, filling it with the soda. Stir with a long straw.

Drink very, very extremely carefully at your own risk, and remember where your towel is (if you can).

 

 

 

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